Top 5: Songs That Made Our Ears Cry During 2012
While we have reached the point where we can comfortably consider 2012 a good year for music, our ears certainly had to fend for themselves from the occasional onslaught of Call Me Maybe and Ke$ha (please stop it already). Still, that’s nothing compared to these top honorees. What tracks had us writhing in fits of trivial rage this year? Take a look and shake your fist along with us.
Good Time – Owl City ft Carly Rae Jepsen
Just when you were ready to put Owl City behind you forever, brainchild Adam Young returns with Carly Rae Jepsen as backup. Owl City was so obsolete, Young desperately had to ride the wave of Call Me Maybe clout for one last attempt to make the radio continually regrettable. The horrific result is perhaps the perfect anthem to shitty advertisements for the entire family of E! programming or promos for newly produced Lifetime movies. The creatively named Good Time is like listening to a Disney teen idol version of Ben Gibbard whine about how fun it is to party. Lines like, “Hands up if you’re down to get down tonight”, truly capture the depth of emotion a sophomore release from Owl City commands.
Stupid Hoe – Nicki Minaj
While we believe the Nicki Minaj bashing is slightly overblown, some of the condemnation seems justified when hearing certain tracks from the self-proclaimed ‘Female Weezy’, a title perhaps less advantageous in recent years. Take a look at Stupid Hoe and you’ll find heaping portions of those eccentricities that made Minaj such a polarizing figure, fittingly backed with a headache inducing beat. It’s more carnival than legitimate hip-hop.
Payphone – Maroon 5 ft Wiz Khalifa
It seems like Maroon 5 is everywhere these days. Between weekly appearances by front man Levine on NBC’s The Voice and the occasional SNL stint, their wicked web of over-produced pop/rock is virtually inescapable. Nearly as omnipresent as the band itself, their single Payphone clogged up the airways with nearly 30 consecutive weeks. While there’s nothing inherently wrong with Maroon 5, at least in some capacity being regarded as talented, Payphone comes across as a who’s who of the mediocre contemporary artists when Wiz Khalifa jumps in for little other reason than maybe providing the band with some truly worthless street cred.
Turn The Music Up – Chris Brown
In what is sure to be a blatant sign of end times, enough people who enjoy generic radio hits with just the right amount of sleaze banded together to salvage Chris Brown’s career. When you get a second to temporarily shelf your seething rage for Brown and his inane antics, antics that include him dropping the line “I promise I won’t beat you!” to women he clearly respects, Breezy demands you Turn Up The Music. Those hard of hearing can fear not: the simple request is made a total of 38 times over an eternity of four minutes.
Hot Problems – Double Take
Making a song worse than poor old soul Rebecca Black’s 2011 Friday was a feat perhaps only thought capable in the most comprehensive scientific facility modern technology could offer. We were wrong.